I’ve said it so many times in the past when asked how I’m doing…”Oh I’m so busy!” I’m determined to change this.
In recent months however, my life has been defined by a gentle flow, and not a furious frenzy. As I’m getting ready to head back into my life full-throttle (teaching at Redeemer School begins and my kids get back to all their school activities), I’m fearful that the furious frenzy will take over my life again. I really, really, really, don’t want to go there again!!
The thing is, when I sit down and enumerate all the things that make up my heretofore furious frenetic life, they are all GOOD things. They are all things that have to do with the care and enjoyment of family and friends. They all have to do with living fully and being creative and working out my calling to be an artist. ALL good and wonderful things, which when thrown together have a tendency to feel frenzied.
When I answer, “I’m so busy”, something about that word misses the mark. The word “busy” has a generic, cardboard feel to it. It carries with it a sense that all the things I’m running around doing are just check marks on a To-Do list. “Busy” lacks the richness that each thing really and truly IS. I would rather say “full”…”My life is so full“… from now on.
It may seem trivial to you, but for me it will feel like I’m granting a bit more honor to all the wonderful people and commitments that comprise my life. Instead of casting them all into a bottomless cauldron of “busy”, I want to somehow communicate (and even to use the word to REMIND myself) that I recognize how rich and FULL my life is, rather than it being a blistering blur of I-don’t-remember-what.
And to be even more to the point, instead of “My life is so full”, perhaps I’ll say, “I’M full!” That may be the best way to say–I’m full to the brim with riches and wonders and I’m overflowing with the goodness of it!” THAT’S what I want to communicate (AND to remind myself of) rather than the phrase, “I’m busy”, which seems to indicate I’ve been wound up like a fluffy toy chick with plastic feet and I’m clattering away, bobbing up and down, moving in circles ’til I burn out.
Words matter. They carry meaning that perhaps in our frenzied pace we don’t slow down enough to think about what they mean. But I, for one, want to maintain a pace that allows me to consider, from time to time, just what I’m saying. And then to ponder how to communicate what I really WANT to say. Perhaps, just perhaps, it’s actually possible, in the midst of our “full” lives, to dip down into the gentle flow and scoop some of it up for us to hold onto.
I hope so.