Shout from the Rooftops!

As different medications were given to me to try and put the Ulcerative Colitis into remission, I did experience some improvement. And when I did, I wanted to shout it to the world! When you’ve been so miserable, ANY appearance of possible improvement is so exciting!!

But it was very short lived. Only a day or two actually, before my symptoms would go back to what they were, or worse. This pattern continued even in the hospital, as high doses of IV steroids were administered and then a round of Remikade. We all really hoped the Remikade would do the trick. But my colon kept on swelling as the Colitis took over my entire colon. My doctor said the pathology of my disease was rare, in that it was so aggressive and fast growing. Many people who suffer from Ulcerative Colitis are able to manage it with medications and live somewhat “normal” lives, some even without it recurring for years and years. Others endure years of trying different medications, in and out of the hospital to put the disease back into remission.

In many ways, I am very grateful that I will not have to endure years of battling this. To have this disease get to the point, very quickly, where it was about to perforate my colon, was in many ways a mercy. My amazing surgeon caught it just before it perforated, saving me from an even worse ordeal. And now, the colitis is gone! Gone! I am so, so very thankful and relieved.

Now Genevieve can shout from the rooftops, “I’m cured! I’m cured!” Now it’s just a matter of healing from the surgery and getting used to my new normal with the ileostomy. These things seem minor in comparison to what I’ve gone through. There is so much to be thankful for!

*I was able to make my daughter’s oatmeal this morning…and I was grateful that I’m alive to do that.

*I was able to go to church yesterday, cry through the songs, hug people’s necks…and I was so thankful to be able to do that.

*I am able to walk a bit stronger and for a little longer each day…I am so grateful I’m seeing improvement.

*I am needing pain medications less and less…so thankful for that!

*So many little things each day…I try to record them, so I can remember on the days that seem like I’m going backwards in improvement. And there are days like that. They are hard. I try to just be where I am and remember that this too shall pass. And when it does…I have something else to be grateful for!

Food Issues

In the days, weeks, months leading up to hospitalizaton, my relationship with food was changing. I have always loved to eat. I loved fresh salads as well as ice cream, steak and potatoes along with cake, roasted veggies as well as fresh breads. The only things I didn’t care for were beets and ocra.

When your digestive system is not working the way it should, and you’re landing in the bathroom within minutes of eating something, you begin to associate the food with the pain, diarrhea, and cramping. The problem is that it ISN’T the food causing you to be sick….it’s the disease, in my case, Ulcerative Colitis. Still, I had a one-to-one correlation in my head between food and discomfort, and therefore developed an aversion to food, certain smells of food cooking, etc.

Now that I can eat again without the pain or diarrhea, I still have to coax myself into eating sometimes. Some of this is normal post-surgery stuff and it will get better over time. Having an ileostomy, there are now certain foods I am to steer clear of, and others that I’m encouraged to eat. For instance, prior to having surgery, I tried to stay away from white pastas, potatoes, and breads. But now, these foods are actually encouraged!  I used to love fresh veggies and fruits. These are now discouraged due to their difficulty of being digested. I now need to eat veggies that are cooked well, and fruits that are very ripe or mashed (like applesauce).

So it’s a bit of an adjustment. And add to that my need to gain back some of the weight I lost, I find myself thinking about food more than I’d like to. Perhaps this will be a temporary thing, and a new normal will develop to where I’m not having to think about it so much.

One food group that I have yet to get back is my love for coffee. Oh how I loved my morning cup of coffee!! But the smell, while I was sick, was more than I could handle. The smell isn’t bothering me anymore, but to drink coffee is still an unappetizing thing in my mind.

I’m wondering if drawings of coffee cups will disappear from my sketchbooks…prolly so.

Unique Perspective

I just gasped to see the date on this sketch. Gheesh! I am amazed at how long I’ve been battling this disease. And so glad it is now cured. Symptoms began just before Christmas, though they were mild then. As the disease progressed and symptoms worsened, I tried to get an appointment to see my gastroenterologist whom I had seen a few years ago for proctitis. But I was told the earliest I could have an appointment was April 15th. What? I called a few weeks later to tell them I was getting worse and really needed to see him, but was told the only thing they could do was to put me on a waiting list. I was never called.

Not only is your body battling a disease, but your mind and heart are also doing battle. You want to keep your head above water, stay positive, try to see the benefits you may be experiencing, or the beauties that are underfoot. This is crucial to enduring any kind of health issue. Some days are more difficult than others, and that is where I find such comfort in having friends who pray for me. I was able to make it through the most discouraging days because people were praying, sending healing thoughts, and just encouraging me in general.

Eventually, I was desperate, and took myself to PrimeCare and begged them to get me in with a gastro doctor anywhere, but ASAP! That was a Friday, I got an appointment for the following Monday, was in for a colonoscopy on Wednesday and was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in over half of my colon. I went home thinking “I’m going to get better now!” having medicines in hand that were supposed to put the disease in remission.  The medicines seemed to help for a few days, but then I began to get worse. And thus started a pattern that would continue for a couple of weeks: trying new meds, I improve a bit, and then worsen. We had talked with my doctor about hospitalization. And soon it became apparent that this was the next step.

We are only given the little patch of the path directly in front of us. And that’s the little patch we have to take in and deal with, trying not to worry about what’s on down the path! This is very difficult for me! I am a worry wart! I realized the only way to go through this journey was to concentrate on TODAY, this patch of the path, this moment, this bit of information we have and just BE there.

I am still learning this as I recuperate. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one baby step at a time. This is the perspective I need. This is the perspective to healing.

Not Enough Daffodils

Before I landed in the hospital, colitis had progressed to where my everyday life was pretty miserable. I was rapidly losing strength and weight, due to 15-20 visits to the bathroom a day. I couldn’t go anywhere. And I couldn’t find the energy to do even the simplest of things, like make dinner for my family.

Several women in our church, sweet friends of mine, made a meal for my family. It was such a huge blessing to have dinner provided and not have to muster the energy to make it.  I got it in my head one day, that I wanted to do something to thank them for their generosity.

A favorite blog of mine is Attic 24, whose author Lucy, is all about crochet! She had just posted a tutorial to make a wonderful crocheted daffodil. Though she was using the daffodils for a wreath, she also showed the pin option, and I knew this would be a fun gift for my friends who had made food for us.

You have to know, that all along the way, I kept thinking “I’m going to be better soon! I’m going to be better soon!” I had received the diagnosis, Ulcerative Colitis, and all the medications that were supposed to make me better.  I just wasn’t improving. But I held out hope. Making these little daffodil pins were part of that hope. In between runs to the bathroom, crocheting offered a distraction from how I was feeling, and gave me something to focus on. I could lounge in a chair and make something simple. Creativity is a wonderful gift when you’re sick.

When I had to go to the hospital for more potent meds to stop the colitis and to arrest my dehydration and lack of nutrition, the meals kept coming in for my family. It was so amazing. But I was unable to keep track of who all was bringing a meal OR to even make the daffodils. There comes a time when it becomes impossible to properly thank those who are selflessly giving of their time and lives to help.  This is all part of the lavish grace of God…you can’t repay it, you can’t thank Him enough for it, and will never be able to give thanks in equal measure to the outpouring of mercy you have received.

I am a recipient of grace and mercy.  Lavish, generous, overwhelming grace for which there is nothing to do but to cheerfully receive with gratitude!

A Flower Strewn Path

 

I’m home! I have a long way to go recuperating from surgery, but I’m home and it is lovely to be here with my family and the comforts of home. There is a lot I could say about the last couple of months. But it is still forming in my mind and heart and feels too raw and dear to put out there in a blog. I have no idea whether I will ever write here about this experience, this lenten journey I’ve been on. In so many amazing ways, I was indeed led to a quiet place. Not one I would have chosen myself. And I do feel I am still on this path.

The beautiful thing about this path is that it has been strewn with flowers! And cards! The above watercolor I made prior to landing in the hospital. My husband, Randy, brought home a bunch of gorgeous flowers for me. I can remember during those hideous days of nearly 24/7 living in a bathroom, that the few moments I had to draw or paint were such a welcome diversion. Once in the hospital, where I stayed for three weeks, the flowers were lavishly sent…tulips, azaleas, dahlias, carnations, roses, mixed bouquets, etc. And the cards…wow, the cards! They are still coming! I love looking at and reading each one. The thoughts and sentiments behind each bouquet and each card overwhelm me, in a good way. The outpouring of concern and care has been staggering. Randy and I are so very grateful.

I only wish that I could’ve made a little painting of each and every bouquet. I do have some pen sketches in my writing journal that I made in the early days at the hospital when they were trying to arrest the Ulcerative Colitis by different medications, none of which my body seemed to respond to. The flowers kept coming in even after surgery and the second surgery. The beautiful azalea is now planted in our front yard, and I look forward to it blooming every year.

One of the things I long to hang onto from all of this, is a slower pace in life. To that end, I will not be blogging as often as I used to. I’m considering combining my three blogs into one, and continuing Letters to An Artist on an “as I can” basis. When you’re given a new lease on life, it is only natural to rethink how you’ve been living and make a few changes. I hope, dear reader, that you will continue to check in with me here on Drawn2Life. There is so much Beauty to share with you. And as always, I hope you’ll join me in looking for and creating a bit of beauty in your own life.

A grand THANK YOU to all of you who have sent healing thoughts, prayed for me, wished me well over the last month. I am truly grateful for each of you.

Not quite what she had in mind…

Word is just starting to get out on social media sites, and Jennifer asked that I post a brief update as to why she has not been posting recently.
Since February Jennifer has been suffering from an flare up of ulcerative colitis. The disease progressed and her condition declined so quickly that she was hospitalized in mid-March. While in the hospital she continued to decline and because of the danger of an immanent perforation, she had to have surgery. She has continued in the hospital, and has experienced a some set-backs. She (and I) are grateful for all the concern, well-wishes, and prayers on her behalf. I will try and keep you posted if there are any new developments.

A Place of Quiet

This is where I’m longing to be lately. Yes, I’d love for the weather to be pretty and warm enough for drawing at the Factory Courtyard, but I’m also longing for quiet spaces, a less frenetic life. With that in mind, I’m going to take a break from all my blogs except for Letters To An Artist.  I’m planning for this break to coincide with Lent (which begins tomorrow!:), and resume here on Drawn2Life after Easter. I’m also planning on taking a break from Facebook too.

I hope the next 40 days are filled with drawing and inspiration and deeper creative roots, for you and me.

I love the French “au revoir!” It doesn’t have the same feel of finality as our Good Bye. Au Revoir literally means: til we see each other again!

Happy Drawing!

Draw Where You’ve Never Drawn Before

As I’ve been thinking about 2012 and that it marked the year when I took my sketchbook places I’d never taken it before, I started to wonder what other places in my life I could take my sketchbook and draw.

I HAVE taken it to my school where I teach and I’ve drawn there on a few occasions. But I’d like to do that more!

I have taken it with me on trips to visit with family, either to Boone (above drawing is of mom, who always “hides”:)

…or to the beach (like the Prince Resort in Cherry Grove, SC above. Or to Oak Island, NC with my husband’s family:  Click on highlighted words to view my video of last summer’s trip to the beach in sketches!

I have taken it to Mr. Whicker’s field at the top of my neighborhood.

And, of course, I’ve taken it into my yard numerous times.

And all around the inside of my home!!

But I haven’t ever taken it to church or to church activities. Maybe once or twice. Perhaps this will be the year I’ll draw the people I love in our little congregation. Maybe I’ll sketch different events there.

I also haven’t ever taken it with me to the grocery store or to Walmart, where I spend a good bit of time. I’m not sure that I’d have the guts to stand or sit there drawing in these places. But it might be a good thing to do.  I have a feeling that if I took my sketchbook with me to the Mall in nearby Winston-Salem, I could get some really cool sketches of people shopping and of store windows. But I’m not much of a Mall shopper. We’ll see…

How about you? If you were to draw where you’ve never drawn before, where would that be? Would you like to sketch in these places? Why? or why not?

It’s fun to think about anyway. I love this quote about artists.

“Draw everywhere and all the time. An artist is a sketchbook with a person attached.” (Irwin Greenberg)

Pulling Down Deep Heaven: Part 3

Terror and Wonder

Two thousand or so years ago, a baby entered this world. The golden drop of Heaven descended into a manger of hay.  Events surrounding His descent were filled with terror and wonder. Shepherds were terrified at a Bright Being telling them Good News of His arrival. These same shepherds later marveled at the manger and returned home filled with wonder, rejoicing at what they had seen.

Even in that day, a massacre of children was a ghastly part of the story. Terror-stricken parents grieved the loss of their babes, as distant Kings were wonder-struck by an infant King for whom a Star heralded the way.

We are never asked to sugar-coat the very real terrors of our world. Nor are we left on our own to deal with them. We are asked to hold both the Terror and the Wonder in our hands and hearts. We are called to allow the Golden Drop to permeate everything and undo all the sadness and fear.

C.S. Lewis knew this well. In the chapter (from which this series takes it’s title) from Lewis’ third and final book of a space trilogy, That Hideous Strength, , we read:

“Do you know,” said Ivy in a low voice, “that’s a thing I don’t quite understand. They’re so eerie, these ones that come to visit you. I wouldn’t go near that part of the house if I thought there was anything there, not if you paid me a hundred pounds.  But I don’t feel like that about God. But He ought to be worse, if you see what i mean.”  ”He was, once,” said the Director.  ”You are quite right about the Powers.  Angels in general are not good company for men in general, even when they are good angels and good men.  It’s all in St. Paul.  But as for Maleldil Himself, all that has changed: it was changed by what happened at Bethlehem.”

For today, at least today, we need not pull. We need not strive. Our efforts to bring bits of heaven into our darkened world can be set aside for a moment. Deep Heaven has come to us. All we need do is receive. Laying down our weapons of peace for beating back the darkness, we can marvel and wonder at the incarnation of God. Light has come to us.  Heaven has descended. And we gasp and whisper the Beauty to one another, like candles lighting other candles, saying He is here! He is here!

May your Christmas Day be filled with a Wonder that seeps into the sad and fearful places of your life. May it lift you aloft to be able to see Light in places you haven’t seen it before…in manure filled barns, in empty stockings, in stars, and even, (can we speak it?), even in terrifying tragedies.

It came upon the midnight clear

It came upon the midnight clear, that glorious song of old
From angels bending near the earth to touch their harps of gold
Peace on the earth, goodwill to men, from heav'n's all gracious king
The world in solemn stillness lay to hear the angels sing.

Still through the cloven skies they come with peaceful wings unfurl
And still their heavenly music floats, O'er all the weary world.
Above its sad and lowly plains they bend on hovering wing
And ever o'er its Babel sounds the blessed angels sing.

O ye, beneath life's crushing load, whose forms are bending low
Who toil along the climbing way with painful steps and slow
Look now for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing
O rest beside the weary road and hear the angels sing.

For lo the days are hastening on, by prophets seen of old
When with the ever circling years shall come the time foretold
When the new heaven and earth shall own the prince of peace their King
And the whole world send back the song which now the angels sing.

O Little Town of Bethlehem

O holy Child of Bethlehem, descend to us, we pray;
Cast out our sin, and enter in, be born in us today.
We hear the Christmas angels the great glad tidings tell;
O come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel!

*If you’ve missed the first two Parts in this series, click here for Part 1, and here for Part 2.  Merry Christmas!!

There is Music in my House

I am, as I type, listening to Eileen Ivers O Holy Night, a gorgeously simple violin piece. And I gaze at an ornament on my tree that was made for me many, many years ago by Nan, my violin teacher. I played the violin, learning by Suzuki Method, from age 3 through 8th grade. Took it up again as an adult, getting back up to Book 4, where I’d left off.

My youngest hums tunes around the house. We hear her in the shower singing. We hear her hum while making things and doing homework.

Tunes waft through the house in guitar, mandolin and ukulele from our son upstairs in his room, playing hours on end. Singing along too! Some tunes belong to others that he has taught himself. Other tunes he is creating himself.

We’ve traveled several times to Wingate to hear our oldest sing with her University Singers choir at Wingate. Enchanted, Randy and I  listened to them perform live on WDAV at St. John’s, a church in Charlotte just a few weeks ago.

We attend every Concert Choir performance at Glenn High School since William sings in it now, as his sister did for years prior to that.

We always have Folk Alley’s Christmas streaming through the speakers. Or we play all our gathered Christmas music favorites through iTunes.

We head to Pittsboro, NC to enjoy my brother and sister-in-law singing in their band Trilogy on the 22nd of December. This is one of the highlights of our Christmas holiday.

Many of the gifts under our tree are music related.

Both of my parents were music majors in college. I knew this about my mom all along, having studied at UNCG. But I just recently realized that dad had been a music major his freshman and half of his sophomore years at ECU before switching to study theater at Cornell Univeristy. ECU wouldn’t let him major in voice and minor in violin. (The things you never knew about your parents!)

I love this.

I have a friend who lives alone. Every time I visit her I say she needs to be playing music! For me, music is so much more than a background tune. When I am cast down, it uplifts. When I’m weary, it soothes. When I’m blah, it cheers. When I’m dull, it fascinates. Music is amazing. And the more my kids study it, the more I’m amazed.

And there’s a Music that runs in my heart and mind that is woven in and through the voices and instruments no matter what kind of music they play. It’s a tune that has to do with the Christmas story, with what follows that, with a Person who was God come as a Babe. Even when there are no notes in the air, this music still plays on.

This Christmas, I’m grateful for music. For the Music of the Ages and the music through the ages. I will always be a violinist though I do not play it anymore. My ukulele provides the outlet I need for music making. But with so much wonderful music in my house, I am content to listen, to get caught up in the hums and tunes throughout our halls.

May your Christmas be filled with Music! I wish all my online readers and friends a holiday filled with beautiful Music for your heart, your soul, your mind.